The State Secret Scrapbook
by LexLemon
Summary: Jack, Sam and embarrassing photos - it's a recipe for disaster.


**Title:** "The State Secret Scrapbook"  
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Author:** LexKitten**  
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**Set/Spoilers:** Season 8. Spoilers till early S8.

**Rating:** PG, if that.

**A/N:** For the GW Sam and Jack ficathon. Prompt: "making memories together"

Dedicated to the memory of Polaroid film. 1948~2009

I used up the last of my stockpiled film last week, and since Polaroid shut down production in 2008, there won't be anymore. Holding that empty camera, it feels like I've lost a friend.

Here's to the good times with my instant camera. Thanks for the memories.

Thanks to Judyhild for the last minute beta!

***

"How about this one?" Jack held up another thin, over-exposed Polaroid photo for inspection.

Sam tried to pinch the picture from his hand, but Jack pulled it out of her reach. Sam bit her lip – it must be pretty awful if he couldn't risk her holding it. Peering at it, she recognized herself, slumped over her desk with her head on her computer and her mouth lolling open. She was asleep.

"Sir, no," she blushed, trying to snatch the picture again. "That's a terrible photo. I don't want General Hammond to remember me like that."

Jack grinned, examining the picture again. "But it's so true to life," he argued. "How many times have you fallen asleep in this lab? That's how we all remember you." Sam cringed, which only seemed to amuse the General even more. "Come on, you asked me to help you with this, remember?"

Of course, he was right. This entire ordeal had been Sam's foolish idea. _"__General Hammond needs something to remember us by,__"_she argued,_"__To commemorate his service to the SGC_". And, of course, they had all those Polaroids lying around, since Teal'c had somehow found an old instant camera in a thrift store in town and decided to experiment with the primitive Tau'ri technology. A scrap book had been the obvious conclusion. The most top-secret scrap book ever made.

The mistake was asking Jack to help her. So far, he had massacred several pages with far too many stickers, covered himself and Sam in glitter, and picked out every single bad photo of Sam that he could find and insisted it be included.

Jack slapped the Polaroid down onto the album with a squelchy smack, securing the glue in place. "I think I'm going to caption this one '_hard at work_'," he decreed.

"Fine," Sam relented. "But that's the last bad photo of me."

Jack gasped in hyperbolic horror. "Carter, I have never seen a bad photo of you," he said. "You absolutely always look adorable. Even asleep, actually, _especially_ asleep."

Sam blushed, feeling the warmth of flattery soothing her pride. She wasn't sure if he was being serious, or just trying to win her over again, but she couldn't help liking the way he said _adorable_.

"How about this one of Siler?" she suggested, picking out a typical 'hard at work' shot of Siler with a rather oversized wrench.

Jack nodded in approval. "I've got a goofy one of Daniel getting hit on the head by a falling tower of books," he added gleefully. "We could have a '_Hard at work_' themed page."

Sam, thumbing through the photos, saw a chance for revenge. "Then I have one of you, '_hard at work__'_." She held up a photo of Jack, concentrating fiercely, with a finger up his nose.

"Carter!" he barked, going red.

Sam laughed delightedly, holding the picture out of his grasp. "It's so _true to life,_" she mimicked. "It really captures who you are."

"I'm a Brigadier General," Jack reminded her. "I can't have people around here seeing photos like that. They'll lose respect for me."

Sam grinned, bearing her teeth in an expression of feline deviousness, "Oh Sir, don't worry," she purred, "No one around here respects you."

The red from Jack's face spread down his neck. "Right," he barked, turning back to the pile of photos. "I am going to find the most embarrassing photo of you, and put it right on the cover."

Sam gulped. Knowing Jack, he just might be serious. In desperation, she leapt forward and began grabbing handfuls of photos and stuffing them into her pockets. "Please, sir, no more bad photos."

"Oh no you don't." Jack turned on her, wrestling a few thin, bent Polaroids from her hands before brazenly attacking her pockets in search of incriminating photos. "Ah ha!" he cried in triumph, clutching a photo and holding it aloft. He brought it down so Sam could see, but not quite reach, the offending image.

Sam's mouth went dry. Oh God, it was from Daniel's birthday. It was of Sam and Daniel, both of them as red as sun burnt kids, and obviously, completely trashed. Daniel's hair and clothes were unbelievably ruffled. Sam had somehow lost her shawl, so she was bearing a lot of skin in a skimpy dinner dress. And, she was kissing him. A big, sloppy, drunken kiss on the cheek, while Daniel grinned like an innocent choir-boy.

"_Colonel Carter: Off Duty_" Jack decreed.

"Sir, _no_" Sam begged, going white. She jumped to her feet, hopping helplessly below the towering General, trying to snatch the photo from his hand.

"Nyer nyer," Jack teased, fending her off with his free hand, as he turned back to the table to glue the photo in place before Sam could take it and tear it, or better, burn it to smelly ash.

"Sir, please, think of my career," she begged. "My reputation. I'll never live it down!"

"Sorry Carter," Jack said. "All's fair in love and war."

Sam turned to the table in desperation. "Fine, then I'm putting in, uh…" she rummaged through the photos, looking for something to use against him. There were some terrible ones – Teal'c had a knack for "candid" shots - but nothing to trump Jack's find. Until … "Oh! This one. I'm putting this one in," she snatched it off the table, and held it out behind her, so Jack couldn't get it.

Jack turned quickly to look, and went white as a sheet. "Carter," he moaned. "What will people say?"

It was, of course, another one embarrassing candid shot from Daniel's birthday. In many ways, it was identical to the one of Daniel and Sam – two red faces, rumpled or missing clothes – only in this one, it was_ Jack_ that was giving the birthday boy a sloppy kiss.

_"__General O__'__Neill: Shows His True Feelings__"_ Sam said sweetly.

Jack dropped the photos he was still clutching, and the tube of glue, and made a dive for Sam. She stepped back, but he was just a bit too quick, catching a hold of her wrist, and the loop of her belt before she got away. He leaned towards her, though with both hands busy holding her he couldn't possibly snatch the incriminating photo now. Sam giggled as she strained away from him, her arm thrust out behind her clutching her prize.

Jack pulled her into him with a grunt, close enough that his hot breath ran along her jaw-line and under her chin. His entire body was bent over her own, hips and stomachs pressed together. Sam was suddenly short of breath, her heart thumping in her chest. Jack was breathing heavily too, his dark eyes narrowed as he looked up at her. If this was a new tactic - to distract her into relenting - it just might work.

"Sir," she whispered breathlessly.

There was a sudden flash of light, and a little metallic whurr, followed by a triumphant whoop. "Another one for the album," Daniel declared, waving a freshly snapped Polaroid in front of his face like a fan.

Jack and Sam suddenly jumped away from each other. "Daniel, you didn't," Sam cried.

"Ah, but I did," Daniel smirked. He stopped shaking the photo, and held it out for their consideration.

The milky chemicals were still settling, but the image was clear enough. Jack, leaning over Sam with that dark glint in his eyes, while she strained away from him in such a way that it was all to clear she wasn't trying to escape at all. If possible, it looked even more incriminating on film that it had been moments before.

"Daniel," Jack growled, advancing on their friend.

Teal'c stepped quickly between them, blocking Jack's assault. "It would be wise for you to step back, O'Neill." Teal'c cautioned.

"Teal'c, Daniel, please," Sam begged.

But Daniel just grinned maddeningly and marched towards the album. He smeared the back with glue and slapped it onto the next empty page, before picking up a silver pen and holding it thoughtfully to his lips.

Jack and Sam edged forward, watching fearfully over Daniel's shoulder as he bent to add a caption. There was no doubt that by the end of the week, the whole base would have seen the photo – their transgression immortalised forever on the page. Sam felt her face burn with embarrassment.

Teal'c clicked his tongue and leant forward to add two final words to the caption. "This is appropriate," he declared.

It read; _"__General O__'__Neill and Colonel Carter Bend the Rules. As Usual.__"_

***


End file.
